Education In Reverse

More more more

2009-04-19T19:55:00.001-04:00

http://yomozraps.blogspot.com/

http://onerecordaday.blogspot.com/

Those are blog I have written in recently. I also wrote a review for the Death Cab show I attended and local music blog Backseat Sandbar was nice enough to let me write it and post it on their site. Thanks to them.

http://backseatsandbar.wordpress.com/2009/04/18/review-death-cab-for-cutie-palace-410/

I've been busy in the other blogs and will be posting there more than here. Make sure to read those also. Yes, I realize I'm telling that to two people. I think one person has moved on from this blog.

Good day,
Joey

I Have Forgiven Morrissey

2009-03-13T18:59:00.002-04:00

To the tune of I Have Forgiven Jesus:

I was a good kid
I wouldn't do you no harm
I was a nice kid
Never stage invaded at all
Forgive me any strain
Of flu brung to you
With doc's help I know
We'll always be near to you
But Mozza hurt me
When he deserted me, but
I have forgiven Morrissey
For all the desire
He placed in me when there's no venue I can turn to
With this desire

I was a good kid
Through wind and rain I'd stand
Just to shake hands
I carried records in hand
Do you understand?
You must understand
But Morrissey hurt me
When he deserted me, but
I have forgiven Morrissey
For all of the love
He placed in me when there's no venue I can turn to
With this love

Monday cancellation
Tuesday cancellation
Wednesday cancellation
Thursday is pathetic
By Friday, no reschedule
By Friday, no reschedule

Oh sickly one
Oh sickly one

Why did you give me
So many singles?
When there is nowhere I can go
To hear of those singles
Why did you give me
So many lyrics
In a meaningless world
When there is no one I can turn to
To unlock all these words
Why did you stick me in
With GA line crashers
Steven, do you hate me?
And why did you ever play
At Chastain Park
Do you hate me? Do you hate me?
Do you hate me? Do you hate me?

New blog

2009-02-08T22:41:00.001-05:00

Not that many people read this, but I started a new blog:
http://onerecordaday.blogspot.com/

The name is self-explanatory. I'm listening to a new record every day and giving it a short review. I'm only doing new records, or ones I'm not too familiar with. That actually turns out to be quite a few records. I'll go for one a day, but it'll probably be caught up with on weekends. Should be 5 a week though.

Enjoy.

Dear Bill Pascrell,

2009-02-05T00:23:00.001-05:00

Hello Bill,

I have been reading articles about you asking the FTC and Justice Department to look into the unlawful practices from Ticketmaster and their "scalping" site - TicketsNow. Though I don't live in New Jersey, I would fully support any investigations in Ticketmaster monopolizing the ticket market.
I attend very many concerts every year, I even traveled all the way to New Jersey from my hometown in Indiana last year to see one of my favourite bands, and I am very fed up with the ticket sales from Ticketmaster. One recent incident I was involved in was with tickets for the upcoming shows at Bowery Ballroom and Carnegie Hall in New York City for the artist Morrissey. The Bowery Ballroom ticket sale stated (from Ticketmaster) that there was a 2 ticket buying limit per household. However, before tickets went on sale to the public, there was a listing on TicketsNow from a seller who listed having 9 tickets for sale at an extremely inflated price.
The ticking for Carnegie Hall is sold only through Carnegie's own box office. However, the night before tickets went on sale, TicketsNow already had listings for sale that were almost 6 times the dollar amount of face value. I was able to get a ticket directly from Carnegie Hall when they publicly went on sale, and I was happy to support the venue directly. It still made me very sad to see them and the artist's fans being exploited by TicketsNow (Ticketmaster).
When those two particular sales took place, I started looking up information about people who have attempted to sue Ticketmaster. One article I read stated that the case would be invalid because a consumer is considered a third party buyer and not a direct ticket buyer. Most cases were because of costs and fees. Now I can see face value being high, and I can even see validity in some service fees, but for Ticketmaster to own and operate TicketsNow which "scalps" tickets, is appalling. They are monopolizing the ticket market, and I believe they should be stopped. It is unlawful and unfair, and I believe it is time for a class action lawsuit against their collusion practices and monopolization of the ticket market.

Thank you,

Current Interests

2009-01-31T12:08:00.002-05:00

Pyramid Song - Radiohead

Used DVD's

Having electricity

Reading books that I could have written

Concert tickets

Brooklyn

Drawing music

I never got the job at The Onion

2009-01-14T22:54:00.003-05:00

Here is what I wrote as a submission for The Onion. It was for the ONN (Onion News Network) videos. It is written with the idea of being a video:

(What they gave me)
Rachel Ray Endorsement Proves Frighteningly Important. Rachel Ray has endorsed a candidate and immediately that candidate's popularity surges a shocking amount. The power of Rachel Ray has some frightened about the state of American politics.

(What I wrote, I made up shitty names)
ONN Anchor ‘Ted’: “Astonishing news today in the race for the presidency, and you’ll never believe which celebrity force is behind it. Today on her morning talk show, television personality and keen chef Rachael Ray announced that she is endorsing Hillary Clinton in the upcoming election. Hillary Clinton, who had been out of the race for some time now, didn’t seem like she would get a second chance. But soon after Rachael Ray announced her endorsement for Hillary, it gave her the spark she needed to be back on the campaign trail.
The news about this has made some politicians frightened by just how much influence a celebrity’s endorsement can effect a presidential election. Our political analyst John Jeffers had this to say about the issue.”

JJ: “Celebrity endorsements for candidates have been in play for ages, going all the way back to when popular actor Thomas Wignell announced his support for George Washington. This is nothing new, but it is becoming more important. It is now a bigger issue that an A-list celebrity supports you than if you have, say, a solid healthcare plan or promise to save the world.
When Oprah announced her support for Barack Obama everyone just assumed that he would win because Oprah has such a following. Now that Rachael Ray has come along with her books, television show, line of cookware, magazines, and now her endorsement for Hillary, we’re not certain that Oprah’s support will be enough for Obama to win the election. Rachael Ray has proven to be a celebrity force to be reckoned with. We’ll just have to see where the ratings take us in the upcoming fall season.”

ONN Anchor ‘Ted’: “Viewers of Rachel Ray’s television show say they are not shocked by this announcement. There have been rumors circling the Internet about which candidate she would be supporting for quite some time. In Rachel Ray’s blog, BakingMommy47 writes,
‘I knew she would support Hillary, I just thought it would have been leaked before Hillary dropped out of the race the first time. I guess that’s why life is full of surprises!’
Political activists and fans of Mrs. Ray’s show have already gathered outside of her studio where the show is taped, carrying signs with support for Hillary Clinton and Rachael Ray. Journalist and Rachael Ray supporter Kim Edwards is there on the scene to interview some of the activists. Kim…”

KE: “Thanks Ted. I’m here now with Colleen Johnson of Columbus, Ohio, who came all the way to Rachael’s studio in New York City as soon as the announcement was made. Colleen, could you tell us a little about your sign please?”

CJ: “Well, Kim, I made this sign over 5 months ago in anticipation that Rachael would support Hillary Clinton. It says ‘Clinton/Ray 2008 – Yum-o!’ and it has a picture here of Hillary and Rachael together holding their arms up in the air to signify teamwork and leadership. I like to think that together they are cooking up a recipe for victory.”

KE: “Thank you for that very supportive testimonial, Colleen.
I think we’ll have a very interesting fall season coming up as Hillary and Obama are both vying for the top spot in the White House. We’re certain to see quite a few plot twists that will turn things upside-down for both candidates. There are rumors of bringing back Chelsea to appear with Hillary at media events. We’re not sure if that could help or hinder Hillary’s fall schedule.
Looks like things are just starting to heat up to a crisp here outside the studio. Ted, back to you.”

ONN Anchor ‘Ted’: “Thank you, Kim. We’ll just hope that Rachael Ray’s support will pack as much kick as her Sliced Chili Rubbed Flank Steak on Spicy Rice with Shrimp and Guacamole Stacks. Coming up next, how dolphins can sense when you’ve recently sneezed…”

Notes:
Comes in at around 2 minutes 30 seconds.
Can change people’s names to anything.
Open to changes, additions, etc.

_____________________________________

I actually looked into that stuff quite a bit. Things like Thomas Wignell and the recipes are actually real things. Probably for the best I didn't get that job, everything around that time had to do with politics, and I don't believe in politics.

Back to watching internet videos.

And dreaming...

So I'm At Work Today...

2009-01-12T16:55:00.002-05:00

...and we have been having trouble with our water being dirty in our building from all the lines being flushed/treated. Well, it's been going on for a while we were all told to report it if it happens because it should have been fine by now. There is a sign posted on the back of the restroom door and we were asked to write down on it when we noticed it happening so that we could tell the Maintenance dept. about it and they could check to see what time(s) it was happening. Well, on the back of the door is the paper to log it, and it has printed:

Yes, I feel like a douchebag for sending out silly office humour and antics like this, but it was not supposed to be funny or a joke, and that's why it is funny.

Ticketmaster is classy

2009-01-08T21:08:00.001-05:00

But I'm classier.

An e-mail to Carnegie Hall's box office (who sells their own tickets).

To whom it may concern,

I am not sure if this is the correct e-mail address, but I would like to share this information. As of 8:54 p.m. EST, I found tickets for the upcoming Morrissey show listed on a website owned by Ticketmaster. Ticketsnow.com is listing 4 tickets for the Morrissey show on March 26 for Balcony, Row M, at $418 per ticket. Now, the inflated costs are normal for them to do, but these tickets are not even available from Carnegie Hall at this time. I have deeply researched the Carnegie Hall website, and the only time tickets are available is not even until Friday morning (that would be 1 day later from this date). This would mean that those tickets do not even exist at this time.
The link to that particular event can be found here:
http://www.ticketsnow.com/InventoryBrowse/Morrissey-Tickets-at-Carnegie-Hall-in-New-York?PID=760909

Since Carnegie Hall does their own ticketing sales, I found this odd (and possibly illegal?) that a Ticketmaster owned company would have 4 tickets at this time when tickets are not even available and at an enormously inflated cost. I would like to bring this to Carnegie's attention so that events like this in the future can enjoyed by everyone, not just companies such as Ticketmaster and their affiliates.

I do plan to attend the Morrissey show on March 26, and I would be delighted to buy a ticket directly from the box office to directly support Carnegie Hall and the artist.

Thank you,
Joey Flispart

Yappy Hew Near

2009-01-02T12:48:00.002-05:00

Don't fret, dear blog readers of mine. I'm vowing to write more this year. So keep that in mind, you 3 people that read this (and any other creepers that got lost).

New Yowrk

2008-10-24T00:12:00.006-04:00

So I went to UCB tonight to czech out the All Jew Review and it was one of the best things I have seen in forever. Two amazing things about it were that Michael Showalter and Paul F. Tompkins were there. My friend April is a huge fan of Paul's and knew him from doing standup. I was so excited to see him perform since she always speaks highly of him. So he comes on and he is hilarious. Very great. It was more of an interview than standup, but great nonetheless.
So after the show is over I outside to wait for him to come out from the theatre. Sarah is with me and we pretend we are in the standby line so we don't get shooed away. We wait for a minute, but he hasn't come out yet. So we go inside the grocery store next to the theatre to find some goddamned half-chocolate marshmallows. Now, we were already talking up the ghetto s'more earlier in the day, but seeing this took the cake. Well, we didn't have cake, we had fucking ghetto s'mores. We end up getting a few more things; soy milk, chips, pizza flavoured Goldfish for me to snack on, plus some Andes mints for the ghetto s'mores.
I should probably explain what a ghetto s'more is. A ghetto s'more is when you want a s'more, but can't create a proper fire for which to roast marshmallows. To solve this, you use the ghetto method, which is to turn on the burner on your gas stove and toast the mallow over the flame. This is highly dangerous, but the payoff is well worth any risk or actual incident that may occur. It tastes just like the real thing.
So we get out of the grocer's store and I want some of those pizza flavoured Goldfish crackers. I pop those bad boys open, but only after utilizing Sarah's hand sanitizing gel substance. With my properly cleansed hands I reach into the bag for some pizza flavoured greatness. Then it happens, Paul walks out of the theatre. He is immediately stopped by some silly girls up near the front door. While this is occurring I eat some more Goldfish. God damn they are tasty. So they all get done harassing him and he walks towards me. I say to him, "Hi Paul, do you have a second? First of all that was a great show and... would you like a Goldfish?"
He went for it. Paul Ffin' Tompkins ate my Goldfish. - highlight
So I keep talking to him and tell him that our mutual friend April told me I must see him. I tell him about that I'm out of town, to which he responds with a quick, "How long are you here for?" I felt like he was going to ask me to hang out. I wasn't sure if I was ready for that, I mean, we just met and all. Things seemed to be moving pretty fast. So I told him only until Tuesday, trying to dodge any awkwardness that could ensue. I think he caught on to my drift, and there was no real follow-up to it. So we just shot-the-shit for a while more and that was about that. He was really cool and it was really nice of him to take the time to talk to a Joe six-pack/plumber like me.
Cheers to you, Paul F. Tompkins!

Again

2008-10-24T00:12:00.001-04:00

Heading to NYC yet again. Wasn’t I just there? First point of business for tonight is to go to UCB to see Paul F. Tompkins and Michael Showalter for the All-Jew Review. Should be a good time. I’ll hang out with “the Show” afterwards and pitch him ideas that he can steal.
I’m listening to the Morrissey set from the Janice Long show from Tuesday afternoon. That just so happened to be my sister’s birfday. Happy birfday Sissy. She’s 25 years young now and I still call her “Sissy”. What’s wrong with me? Hell, I’m almost 22 and I still go by Joey. I’m not some stupid Friends character, why have the “y”?
I’m going to try to get Sam to film some things that Zach and me come up with. Maybe by Christmas break we can have a webshow or some shitty thing besides a shitty blog.

Presentation

2008-10-24T00:11:00.000-04:00

I had my first gig last night. It was a presentation for my Psychology class about alcohol. I made every single slide have a joke. Some were subtle that only got a few laughs, but others were obviously there. I got laughs abound though. I channeled Bruce McCulloch as a business man for inspiration. I’ll see how I can post it on here somehow. Not a video of me doing the skit, but the actual PowerPoint. 13 slides, 3 Toothpastefordinner cartoons, 2 pics of my drunk friends, etc.
Oh yeah, I got a perfect score.

My first ASC post

2008-10-14T20:05:00.002-04:00

This is my first post on the All Songs Considered board. They wanted you to list 5 albums you must hear before you die. This is what I listed:

I think that this list will constantly change throughout my lifespan. Who knows what I may be into in a few years? Up to this point though, here is my list:

1.) The Smiths - The Queen Is Dead
From the hard hitting opening track, to the fade out of Some Girls Are Bigger Than Others, this will never disappoint me in any way, shape, or form. Even when I'm 60 (if the world lasts that long), I'll still be listening to this constantly.
Favourite track: I Know It's Over

2.) Radiohead - OK Computer
I know Radiohead are all over people's list, but deservedly so. This album really got me into listening to music. It's a close call between this and Amnesiac for me to pick, but this one wins (barely).
Favourite track: Lucky

3.) Stars - Set Yourself On Fire
A very great album from an incredible band. From beginning to end it is such a solid album. The music is superb and the lyrics are just as sharp. A must hear before you kick the bucket. Also, one of the best live bands I'll ever see.
Favourite track: Your Ex-Lover Is Dead

4.) Morrissey - Vauxhall And I
All of the rumors keeping me grounded. Sick down to my heart, that's just the way it goes. And I just can't explain, so I won't even try to. Take life at five times the average speed. Why don't you find out for yourself? I'll always stay true to you.
Favourite track: Speedway

5.) Arcade Fire - Funeral
For anyone that's heard this, you understand. There is such feeling in this album that's real. Most noticeably in the last track - In The Backseat. A song like that is hard to match, and this album stands out as one of the albums I've listened to the most.
Favourite track: In The Backseat

Current Interests

2008-10-07T18:03:00.002-04:00

New York City

RSS feeds for cartoons

Ascii cowboy hats

Broken Facebook chats

Saturday Night Live

Wainy Days with David Wain

Physical media

Darn right!

2008-10-04T20:19:00.001-04:00

I would just like to inform you all of my full support for Sarah Palin. Not because I love America (I do, even Alaska and Hawaii), but for my love of the upper-class. When I talk about my love for the upper-class I don't mean oil company executives, or big top CEO's, but I mean my love for Joe six-packs like John Stewart, Stephen Colbert, Darrel Hammond, and hockey moms like Amy Poehler and Tina Fey. My vote in November will be a write-in for Sarah Palin only. No vice-president, no other person, just Sarah.

Change we can believe in. Comedy that writes itself - Palin '08

Mass Debate

2008-10-02T21:06:00.006-04:00

Live Debate Coverage! - comedic points only

Palin - Go to a kids soccer game and ask the kid's parents about the economy.

Biden - is allowed to stay on topic.

Palin - is on the Dallas Mavericks apparently

Palin - Darn right! There was greed, and there is corruption, guess there's no greed any more, only corruption. Joe six-pack, hockey moms, unite and take over! Heck of a lot a good lessons.

Biden - Obama is a regulator, kind of like a laxative. Joe asked Joey how much it was to fill his tank.

Palin - Darn right we need tax relief!

Biden - Deregulation across the board!

Palin - Gonna talk straight! (please stop looking right into the camera)
Time's up!

Biden - The middle class are watching this!

Palin - Haha, Federal Government! Hahahahah!

Biden - One hand you give it, one hand you take it. Joe Biden knows about websites!!! Bridge to nowhere?

Biden - Can't slow up on anything! Except the word characterized. That's what I'm talking about.

Palin - I was takin' on the oil companies! Not gonna' happen in my state! Been at this about 5 weeks.

Biden - Asking a rhetorical question. Why?

Palin - That darn corruption and greed on wall street. A toxic mess on main street is effecting wall street. (Where's the intersection?)

Biden - Better get on the stick here.

Palin - *smiled when she said 'nonsensical'*

*End, my phone is ringing*

Postponed

2008-09-29T23:37:00.001-04:00

Blog is postponed due to lack of creativity and stunted economic growth.

Under construction.

Life is taking a toll on me.

Didn't society learn anything from the last time?

Stars - Part 1

2008-09-29T23:20:00.002-04:00

So this may be short, but it's been about a week and such things, you know...

So I go to Southgate House at about 4:00 p.m., and the doors didn't even open until 7:00. I wanted to get there early though to have a good spot and to miss rush hour traffic from Cincy because it is horrid. So I find my parking place and walk around a bit, first to the venue. I ask the guy on the porch where will-call is since I've never been there. It turned out to be the lead singer of Bell X1, the opener and the band I really like now. So I go inside and check the place out for a minute, realize its coolness level is about a 9/10 or 10/10, and the leave to get some ice cream. No sooner than when I get back to the porch with my fucking $4 scoop in a fucking $4 waffle cone, do I see the lead singer of Bell X1 and the drummer for Stars eating some expensive fucking ice cream too! I didn't know their names, so I didn't say anything. But hell, 3 more minutes and we would have ordered at the same time. Shit luck.
So after I'm done I go inside because I have nothing else to do for a few hours. I sit at the bar just to wait around, and this is where I meet Bob and Lou. Bob is the older bar patron, 'round 60ish, and Lou, the bartender is about 40 or so. I can't remember the conversations we all had, but they were really awesome to talk to for a few hours. I felt at home. Cool, yeah.
So Stars come on and I'm pumped as hell. Highlight: Torq points to my Morrissey shirt and says, "This song is for the shirt that guy has on, see it?" It is "What I'm Trying To Say", though I've always imagined Reunion as a Moz/Smiths song from Stars. Oh well, they are amazing nonetheless. Also, I had the best spot in the house, right in front of Amy Millan. She looked at me more than once. Oh yeah.
I go to say hello to Torq after the show and we get to talk about Moz a bit, and then I get to go see and meet Amy - picture in previous post. I asked Torq if they would be out back because I had something in my car for them to sign, and he said they'd wait around. I go out and get my Set Yourself On Fire LP and take it to him. He tells me about how the cover is his wife and how amazingly beautiful it is and how mad it made him when Arts&Crafts banned the cover because it was terroristic in nature. We talked about how fucked that is and that there are far worse things in life than that. We got to talk more Moz after that and got to share a genuine corncob pipe with the others standing around. I didn't take in the pipe-ness, but it was a sight to see.
After Torq has to leave to change and watch Seinfeld (I told him to watch Arrested Development instead to which he agrees) I walk around front because I hear Amy is up there. I see her walk up the stairs as soon as I see the front door. I still go in to catch some of the karaoke night. Gawd those people were bad! Oh well, I had a great time, caught up with Lou to say hey. I then turned around and saw Amy standing there. I awkwardly said, "Hi Amy." and I asked her to sign my LP. She was obviously a little tipsy, but that was fine with me. She smiled and said, "I think we've met before." She held on to my record, but my other things fell on the floor. She held my shoulder as I knelt down to pick them up, and when I got up she said she was sorry and hugged me :) She then wrote something I still cannot read on my record.

End.

Stars

2008-09-25T00:16:00.001-04:00

Amy Millan hugged me (hug not pictured). More later.

2008-09-11T20:01:00.002-04:00

Current interests:

Missed Connections on Cragislist

Letting myself go

Dexter

Catching up on sleep

Learning

Mom & Pops ice cream

New York City

Really?

2008-09-07T21:21:00.002-04:00

I'm watching NBC's Football Night in America. Thank God I'm not in Canada, right NBC? We have to tag a showing of a football game with "America"? Really?

There Is No God

2008-09-06T20:35:00.002-04:00

No, actually I think there is a God. But I think that God is mocking me. It could be that, or maybe the planets are aligned or some bullshit like that. Is it a full moon this week? Who knows; not me, that's for damn sure.
I could go two years without speaking to a single soul, but all of the sudden everyone wants a piece of me. I don't understand it either, I thought I was only a real person on the Internet.

This is incomplete. I'm just plain done for today, my creativity is drained.

Vampire Weekend on Tuesday, should be a decent time.

Some deep insight from Amazon.com

2008-09-01T13:17:00.003-04:00

Amazon is setting me up to fail.

The other day, well, Monday, I hopped on to Amazon to buy the entire discography of the band Stars. I saw they are touring now and I desperately need to see them this month. I only had a few of their albums though, so I had some catching up to do. Amazon has this thing where they recommend items to you based on what you previously ordered. I have got Morrissey CD's before, and they recommended that I buy The Smiths - Best Of vol. 1. Well of course I'm not going to buy that because I already have all those songs. However, I think that's a good recommendation for someone that just started listening to them/him.
I was driving around yesterday listening to my newly acquired Stars CD's (and Oasis), and I was thinking about possibly writing music reviews on relatively unknown albums. Since I secretly want to write, and I like some music that quite a few people have never heard of, I thought it would be a good way to combine those things that I'm not good at doing. What bad could happen? Plus, I just finished Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs, and I wondered to myself, could life ever be sane again... oh, I mean I thought that I could possibly write something like that. It wouldn't have all those pop references though, but maybe a few. It also wouldn't be interesting, but it would have to suffice.
So what does Amazon recommend to me today? No, not Best Of The Smiths or even Jobriath, it recommends that I should start subscribing to Writer's Digest. Fuck you Amazon! How can you determine my personality so well?! I was thinking about writing Amazon a letter, but I need a better writing style first. So what does that mean? A subscription to Writer's Digest is in store for that me to scribe that letter.
Oh, nevermind, it's $20. Do you know how many Stars songs I can get for $20? A lot, and that's what I got with my twenty bucks.

The Dealbreaker

2008-08-25T22:11:00.002-04:00

Things are going great, we're having a simple conversation about school and teaching children (how human), but then comes the inevitable question:

"So what kind of music do you like?"

Now, to the normal person from southern Indiana this is not a particularly difficult question. It is usually followed by "Well I like 99.7 (the local 'current' music station playing the same 'hits' 4 times an hour) and country and classic rock. Whatever is fine with me."
Now take me (please) for instance, I am not the typical person from southern Indiana. This question proves rather difficult for me to put into an answer that someone from 'round these parts can comprehend. Whatever answer I may give is often followed by, "Oh, I've never heard of them." That is fine with most people, but for some reason it makes me cringe. I know it may be shallow to be like this, but c'mon, really? Can't there be someone from this area who knows what the fuck I'm talking about? It's so difficult past that point to talk to a person. Something in the back of my mind makes me think "ok, we can no longer get along from this point forward". I don't want to be like this, it just is. Why is it so important to me that I really don't like The Eagles or Aerosmith? Is that really a demeaning quality that I look for in a person? Yes, yes it is.
I just don't know what it is that I don't see in people. I've completely lost my faith in the progression humanity. Or maybe it's only lost in this geographic location? I think Google should have a new view on their map that highlights intellect. Then when I search for directions from my home to anywhere but here, I start out in a big black void, kind of like real life. I can plan a route to go to a blue highlighted area, that's a moderate rate of intellect per capita filter. Dare I go to the lime green locations?!?! What adventures may await there? An independently owned restaurant?!?! Possibly a place to have lunch that doesn't have 20 other locations to choose from?! I must find this magical map!

(nice dream)

2008-08-21T17:29:00.002-04:00

I wrote this to my friend April after she told me she got a job with MTV:

I had a crazy dream that I woke up and turned on the TV and it was on MTV and had my name on the screen as a contest winner to spend a week in NYC. What?! But it said I already lived in New York, but I know it was for me because the census said I'm the only Joey Flispart in the world (well, 1 or fewer). So I get there and it's all weird and everything, and I'm in this guys house/apartment and it's all like a big open 3-story porch. I don't have my phone, my wallet, but I have my car keys and my old phone I haven't had in 4 years, but it doesn't work. I am walking through the "porch" and I see this thing that looks like a cross between a toilet augur and a keytar. It is labeled as Radiohead above the keys, and the toilet augur part come from the long spring-like metal tubing coming out of it, plus it has like a metal gun handle. I have no idea what this thing is, but I assumed it made weird "Radiohead sounds". So I think I walk around some more, and when I come back to that room, the cast of the Kill Bill movies are there. They are all playing music, so what do I do? I go get that damned Radiohead machine I saw earlier! I played the keytar parts while using the gun-type action handle to point the metal springs into a speaker. The sound was awesome! Well, I thought it was awesome, and so did Michael Madsen, but Darryl Hannah (I think that's her name) didn't like it. Said I put too much into it. So then we all left and we each had a Jaguar XJ220. I climbed into mine through the sunroof :D

2008-08-19T03:01:00.002-04:00

There is a time and a place for everything. 3:00 a.m. on a Tuesday is not one of those times for anything. So I can't sleep. What do I do? Well, what else would I do! Write letters to people I haven't talked to in ages!!!!
The first one is an apology for something I did, but I can't remember too well. I was in the wrong, I guess. I must have been:
I realize that 3:00 a.m. on a Monday (technically Tuesday) isn't the best time to write this, but I've been up for hours because I can't sleep. I've been thinking of all the shitty things I've done and all of the shitty things that have happened to me, a bit of self loathing if you will, and I wanted to have the chance to tell you that I'm sorry for the things I said to you. You didn't deserve what I said and I was wrong. I hope you've been doing well with the CD101 thing, I even listened to it last time I was up there. I also hope Stella and Archie are fine.

Goodbye,
Joey

The second one is one I haven't written yet. I'm not sure who it'll go to, but I think it will go a little something like this:
Hey, how have you been? I haven't talked to you in forever, just wanted to take a second to catch up with you. Starting school soon I guess? Not too much more left it seems, only a few semesters. Well, hope all is well!
Take care,
Joey

Now, I could send that one to any single person on the planet and it would seem like nothing. I'd probably get a similar shitty response kind of like what I wrote to them. I usually don't care when I pass someone and say "how are you?". When I write it though, I seem to care enough to move my fingers without hitting delete. That's what counts. There's your thought for the day.

I need to fucking sleep!

Life is precious

2008-08-13T00:11:00.003-04:00

I had to get into my car via the passenger side door because the SUV parked next to me had a couple making out on it, blocking the entry to my driver side car door.

Life is precious, get a room.

We are accidents waiting to happen

2008-08-06T23:55:00.004-04:00

Getting there was half the battle. Let me explain that the Verizon Wireless Music Center sucks. First, you have to find it. It is right in the heart of Indiana. By the heart of Indiana, I mean it’s surrounded by farms. Truly the middle of nowhere. There is a highway sign to exit for it, and signs to turn on to 146th street for it. However, there is not a 146th street. There are signs that say “146th St. Ahead”, but no, no no no. There is a road, but it isn’t 146th street. You have to turn on it too, but it’s not the right one.
Secondly on my rant, once you get past the parking lot, it still sucks. There are about 10 entrances. Two of them are reserved for special needs people. By special needs people I mean Verizon cell phone owners. If you own a Verizon cell phone, and show it to the person working in line, you get in about 15 minutes earlier than everyone. Not a problem at all if everyone has a ticket for an assigned seat. I see a problem with the GA crew, crew like me. I was pissed at the exact moment I knew that was happening. The first thing I thought was, “I must tell Radiohead the corporate shenanigans that are happening!” Right when I thought that, I saw a guy dressed as Captain Morgan walk across the inside of the venue. This was bullshit. What a sell-out venue. I expect that for someone like Aerosmith or Bon Jovi, but Raiohead?! They must not have known about it. I still think I need to personally tell them about it. Maybe next time I will. Sit down, stand up, have a nice chat with Thom about the way things are.

Oh, I also saw a show. It wasn’t all about complaining about a shitty venue. The seating is actually decent. I guess it’s decent; I was in the pit. No seating there, only standing. The way things ought to be.
As you can see by my pictures in the last post, the lighting was amazing. The high point was during The Gloaming- It should be raining, it should be raining – the lights poured down with green “rain”. Well of course everyone cheered at this. Why cheering? Shit, it was frickin’ awesome! Yeah, I cheered too.
The sound was incredible. I wondered how it sounded in the back for all the people on the lawn. I only wondered that for a second, I stopped caring about that very quickly when Climbing Up The Walls was played. I think that may have been the best thing I’ll ever see in my life. Jonny playing with the radiobox-thingy was outstanding. There is a video on Youtube of it, but it does not do any justice to seeing it in person. I got the same feeling I did when I hear The Imperfect List and everything turns red. That good. As soon as they started playing I got the feeling of “oh shit, this is going to be fucking amazing” Oh, and it was, to the full extent of the definition of the word ‘amazing’. Also look up ‘fucking amazing’, because it was that too.

Keeping this short as not to ramble on too much. Snap, too late for that. Truly though, it was possibly the best show I’ve ever seen.

Also, leaving was the other half of that battle I mentioned earlier.

But the war isn’t over. Not even close.

2008-08-05T21:23:00.001-04:00

Piqutures|
| Radiohead |

Best show I've ever seen.

Children in pieces

2008-07-29T19:04:00.000-04:00

Where or when did things go wrong with America’s youth? I came to a decent coffee shop for once (not owned by a church) that seems cool and was cool even when I came here years ago. It’s still fairly cool, but seriously, I want my couch space. There are a few teenagers here, not drinking coffee of course. What happened to kids getting into trouble, or stealing candy? What happened to kids sneaking away to fuck, or drug addictions? I want my couch space damnit! Get out of here, you’re not buying anything anyway! Why aren’t they out screwing and snorting? What happened to the hay-day of youth?
Life for kids isn’t like that in the books I read or movies I watch, so what happened? Didn’t those kids grow up with the same things I did? Grant it I haven’t done any of those things (or have I?), this is a new generation. I’m an old man now, I need to realax, read a book, and get on the fucking internet while sitting on a comfortable couch.
I used to play with Legos, build things, play video games, and other childish things. I never sat around a coffee shop! What the hell? Kids in movies didn’t do that either. What, is this Friends? I fucking hate Friends.

Shit, I’m in a coffee shop doing the exact same thing.

Oh but plans can fall through as so often they do

2008-07-27T17:35:00.000-04:00

Tentative plans:

I meet with an IUS advisor on Thursday and will schedule 2 classes here for the fall semester. I will then transfer to IU for the spring semester. There I will focus on a degree in Informatics and take random classes for photography and creative writing. I will find a cheap place, and work for the IT dept. at IU and make little to no money. I can be close enough to run home for major family disasters only. I should have no other reason to return to this obstacle of a town (unless I’m a complete and total failure as a student/person).

Possibilities:

Move to Minneapolis with my sister and be a normal human and do normal human things such as work in a restaurant and live in an apartment. This appeals to me since I’ve never done it before.

Find a Saves The Day or Morrissey friend to move somewhere with. Possible locations are: Seattle, NYC (expensive!), Portland, Chicago, etc. – This is highly improbable.

Stay here for another year and wait for one of my friends to graduate and move somewhere with one of them – Slightly improbable because I cannot stay in this place another year.

Certain impossibilities:

Write a book of my inner thoughts and have it published and be read by millions. Have a great apartment in NYC and perform at UCB once in a while.

Be on SNL.

Be a tour photographer for Morrissey.

Watch movies all day and not have to ever work again unless it’s something I want to do.

Your taxi is here, my dear

2008-07-20T21:14:00.000-04:00

I went to the midnight, well, 12:01 showing of The Dark Knight with my friends Jason and Sheldon. Jason and I had got our tickets earlier.
Shit, it’s lightning outside. I am outside. More to come later.
Alright, back home and inside.
As I was saying before I was rudely interrupted, Jason and I got our tickets on Wednesday night for screen 16. Sam had tickets for screen 1, as did everyone else I know that doesn’t talk to me or contact me. Sheldon hadn’t got his yet, but when he did it was for screen 2. However, the screen assignments didn’t matter to us. We went wherever we wanted. We started in screen 16, where the trouble began.
We chose three seats together that were conveniently located behind the most annoyingly homosexual young man in the world. He had no shoes, tight pants, massive lisp, and an ugly boyfriend. I have no problem with gay guys, but this kid was annoying as fuck. Even his friends were getting annoyed. It was only made worse by the beach balls flying around the crowd.
Yes, beach balls flying around in the movie theatre.
Jason and Sheldon went to go look in theatre 2 to see if it was as annoying as 16. After a few seconds I got fed up and went to find them. Screen 2 was like nobody was in there. It was so quiet, so peaceful, so small. It was half the size of the screen we were just in seconds ago. This annoyed us yet again, so we moved to screen one.
Screen one was about the same as 16, but with more people we knew. We were talking to a few people down in front when the beach balls started flying. One flew right to me and I grabbed it out of the air as if my life depended on it. Now that I had the ball I had a choice. Do I pop it? Do I deflate it? Do I throw it back? No, I throw it away from everyone, towards the exit. I was met with applause by the first 6 rows and met with boo’s from the very back. That’s where the douchebags who started this were. With all the cheers and the boo’s and the douchebags standing up yelling at me, I did the only logical thing I could think of doing. I raised both hands in the air, and flipped up both of my middle fingers to them. I have never had so much applause in my entire life. Every row up until the douchebags were cheering for me. I felt important. The best I’ve felt in my entire life.
And it was all ended when a little kid got the ball back into play.

If you ever want to feel empowered, I suggest you flip off an entire group of people waiting to see a movie. That’s what I did.

Not much of a posting

2008-07-17T01:05:00.000-04:00

I really should be asleep right now, but I can’t help but think about how bad my last writing was. I can do better than that (I hope). Some things I was trying to remember during the day:

Nonchalant, but there is no “chalant”

I feel superior while in a meeting and someone’s cell phone rings loudly. Everyone else checks to turn theirs down in volume. I feel like I’m a better person than them because mine is always on silent. Fuck you all!

person 1: "Are those your five children?"
person 2: "No, those are 5 pictures of my son."
person 1: "I'm sure they'll are turn out to be fine adults."

Why do couples say they are “trying to have a baby”? Why not say, “We fuck the shit of each other all the time.”

I’m surprised I could remember all of that from today! Ok, I copied one from an e-mail I sent myself and one was from when I was in New York. Guess which was from today?

I got my Dark Night midnight showing ticket. Shouldn’t I be asleep by now?

Each household appliance is like a new science in my town

2008-07-10T00:13:00.001-04:00

Not even 24 hours back and I feel like I’ve never left. What a fucking vacuum. I’m feeling nothing.

And if the day came when I felt a natural emotion
I’d get such a shock I’d probably jump in the ocean

I’m still not sure if all these places and things are the same or not. I see plenty of different things but they all are alike anymore. Maybe there are different shapes, colours, sizes, feelings, but it’s all the same not matter where I am or am not. It’s just getting all too tiring. I feel like I should do something about it, but what can my measly little old self do about anything? I really can’t. Even if I wanted to, what would I do? I’m really not certain if I’m talking about a person, place, thing, or idea. Maybe it’s an animal, vegetable, or mineral? What is it that I’m complaining about so abstractly? Am I even complaining, or just describing? Is there really a difference in those? I could describe an orange, but there wouldn’t be much to determine whether I am describing the things I loathe about it or what it actually is.
The orange is round.
The orange is orange coloured.
The orange is sour.
The orange is healthy.
The orange is stringy.
The orange is falling from the tree.
I’m still not sure whether I hate oranges or not, but you’re not sure either. So there.

Life is a pigsty

2008-07-09T23:48:00.002-04:00

That was the most stubborn paper towel dispenser I’ve ever used.
I’ve been to the bathroom too many times to blow my nose. I must look like a coke addict going to the bathroom so much.
My aircraft is in range. MY aircraft!
I wish someone would have had a football or something. That would have been fun to pass the few hours I’ve been delayed. Maybe the people going to Charlestown had one. I listened in on some interesting (well, not very interesting) bar conversation in La Guardia airport. Delayed? Go drink.
A group of New Yorkers are going there for a wedding, a bunch of do’s guys kinda dudes. Also there were 2 college students. One guy who is majoring in history and has no idea about anything except strip clubs and shitty bars, and a girl who thought that guy was shitty and she was the best. She sucked, I could tell. She was an oversized blonde who seemed very uninteresting to me. She only spoke to me once. She saw my book and told me David Sedaris’s new one was not worth reading. I have even more doubt in her personality now, or is that possible? The two groups were discussing where the NYC guys should go when they are not at the wedding. It got boring, so I stopped listening.
I’m 2 Killian’s in to tonight. Was that worth $18? Fuck this shit. 30 minutes to go boarding? Who knows. Oh well.
There were gnats everywhere in that bar, except in my beer. I just swatted one away and I’m sitting at the gate. What is this?
When I checked my bag, I was looking through my receipts, then I heard “hey Morrissey,” the bag check guy was calling me. I couldn’t help but laugh. I bet Morrissey doesn’t get 2 hours delayed. I bet if he did, he would be in the corner over there with 2 body guards standing in front of him, blocking any view from on-lookers.
I have my NPR podcast to keep me company in this time of need. Life is a pigsty.

The last night at the fair

2008-07-09T23:48:00.001-04:00

I think my flight is delayed. I’m not really sure. I have my iPod playing and I’m not paying attention.
I’m out of New York City, unofficially. I’m in the airport, so there is no turning back. I liked it this time better than last time. Minus all the allergies I had from Jack being there. He’s cool though, so I didn’t mind too much. I think I was probably annoying from blowing my nose all the time and coughing and sneezing and such. Jack’s probably happy I’m gone. “That allergic bastard is outta here!” he’d say.
I really didn’t do too much while I was here, it was an ok vacation though. I got to go to UCB twice which was very much a great show every time. Amy Poehler, Rachel Dratch, Seth Meyers, and Ian Roberts were in this one, among others who were funny as well. Sarah and I waited around to try to see if they would come out the front door. None of them did. Oh well. Maybe next time, or maybe I’ll meet them when I’m performing there with them (yeah, sure).
I’m still coughing. Snoting. Sneezing. Hacking. All those nasty human things. Why do people do that?
I’m still not sure if I want to move here or not. It’s very expensive, but what is money? I have that, well, now I do. If I move here I wouldn’t have as much, but what does that matter? I could see Assssscat every Sunday and go to a Morrissey/Smiths night right after. EVERY SINGLE WEEK. That happens in Louisville none at all. Never. Not at any time.
I’m going to hang out with Sam when I get back for a bit. I’m off tomorrow and he wants to go to MyBar. It’s a decent place in a shithole of a “town”. They still have their shitty little things, but it’s far more upscale (HAH!) than the other things that “town” has to offer. Oh well.
There may be more than 15 people on my flight back, not sure yet.
There is still dog hair on my laptop. I will get it off later, along with all the finger prints on the screen. I’ll fix that someday too. Maybe when I get my own laptop I’ll take more care of it.
The captain of another flight just informed the waiting passengers that they should go to the bathroom now, it’ll be a long wait on the runway. That’s somewhat funny. I guess. There is also a plane ready to “re-take off”. What?
It’s good that I never format this, it’d take away a little bit from the shittiness of it.

Please don't drop me home

2008-07-05T01:50:00.000-04:00

I’m going to get a bagel in the morning. How cool is that?

I’m listening to the Morrissey concert from Hyde Park. It’s 1:43 am and I’m listening to the recording of it from earlier. I only heard a minute of the live feed before I had to go to Queens for a nice 4th of BBQ. It was cool there. I learned that the ribs I had were made with a glaze that included lemonade mix. Strange.
I feel ok here. I think I could do it. What is money for anyway?
I already have more here that at home, why return? Well, I did pay for the ticket roundtrip. Does it even matter?
I think tomorrow (well, today) I want to eat sushi, record shop, and go to Coney Island. I want to walk across the boardwalk. I don’t really have a reason, other than I saw it in the moving pictures.
I’ll keep it short, I’m tired and I want to go to bed. I only wish someone would sing me to sleep.

I left the south, I traveled north

2008-07-03T10:46:00.001-04:00

There is no free wi-fi here. I am forced to either write or read a book. I’m currently reading Me Talk Pretty One Day, but I’m not in the mood for reading. I’m listening to a Morrissey concert from October 27, 2007, night 4 of the 5-night stand in NYC’s Hammerstein Ballroom. I was there. I was not, however, in the right side section (Julia’s side) where Mr. NritH recorded this show. Fine job, the audio is done quite well. Listening to it brings back some good times in my head. I’m going back today, not to that time, just to New York City. The place I didn’t like until my last day there. Weird, huh?
Jack The Ripper is the song that’s one right now. It’s one of the best versions of it I’ve ever heard. I should know, I’ve only seen it played about 16 times. A little crazy, right? The intro to it is great, so is the rest of it too. It is always such a great song to hear live, I do like the studio version better than the album version, but seeing it and feeling it and actually being there for it makes it a world and a half better. Especially when he opens with it. My friend April once told me it was very ballsy of him to open with it. Now I realize it really was! He opened with it when I went to LA, or, Moz Angeles. Now those were some great shows. I went all the way out there knowing not a sole (or soul) and ended up making quite a few friends.
8 times in LA, 5 in New York City, still never enough.
I’m only 10 songs into this recording. I listened to it on the way over here with my dad. Still not sure if he would like Moz or not.
The National Front Disco just came on. He’s got a lot of flack for this one, but I love it so much live. There’s so much that’s said, yet so much hidden. Could mean anything really, what is it to you? I think sometime when I’m drunk I could sing it, but it wouldn’t mean as much as it would if I were English. Not English like the way most American’s are, but the kind of English where you are actually from England, not from when my ancestors came over and murdered quite a few people to take this over. Reminds me of another Morrissey song, This Is Not Your Country. Also, it’s July 4 this week! Go celebrate your dependence.

I don’t know the name of our flight attendant, but I bet her name was Betty or something along those lines. Not very friendly, but she got me a Sprite in a timely manner and even got my cup thrown away before we were about to land. There were about 15 people on our tiny flying machine. Rather a small, uninteresting flight if you ask me. Not that you asked me, why would you have?
Wi-fi isn’t free here either.
I’m waiting on Carole and Sarah to pick me up here at baggage claim. I have claimed my bag, it’s mine, not anyone else’s. I’m fortunate that my aunt let me borrow it. Still, it’s mine. I was going to write something interesting about the flight, but I can’t remember and I really don’t give a shit. I’m here, that’s it, right?

Bagels

2008-06-29T21:21:00.001-04:00

It was Little 500 weekend in Bloomington, Indiana. The annual bicycle race that takes place at the IU campus. Nobody goes to the race, everyone just parties. I was there for other reasons…
I had stayed with my friend Zach and his girlfriend Megan. We had a weird, strange night on the Friday before Little 5. There was the usual concert on that night, Feist was performing for it. It was a very enjoyable show and everyone there seemed like they were having an easy-going, good time. I had that same fun-loving time. It was a good show, but I was bored. I couldn't help it. I was used to being in a fight to grab a piece of a shirt thrown into the audience by Morrissey. Yeah, I know. So Zach and I go to the show with my newly purchased Wayfarer knock-offs from the Goodwill that I got for $0.50 each. I got two and they were both a shade of blue. When asked by Zach what colour each of them were I said, "Yours are aqua. Mine are deep aqua." I had countless compliments from 18 year-old freshmen girls. I wasn't sure if I liked that or not. Hell, I did, and they did it with their shitty first-year boyfriends there beside them. Yeah, I was cooler than cool. I put off that vibe too. I'm not like that at all, but I wanted to try it for a night. It didn't work.
Feist show, merch purchase, wait for an autograph, etc, etc, etc…
So I get to Megan's eventually via car, getting lost by drunk directions and slurs. I arrive in an alley, running. Running the wrong way. I turn around to find Zach and Megan running after my lost ass. They lead me to their place where they are playing a unique game of chess. The game pieces consisted of paper, condoms, a fake turtle, pasta shells, and many other various things around the house. The chess board was a towel stolen from the hotel nearby when they went on a swimming excursion the previous night. Try it, they won't know that you aren't staying in the hotel. You just can't get to the pool with your room key.
So the chess game never finishes, not that it ever began, it was just created. Like a straight line. It's about 3:30 in the morning, and I'm the only one tired. So what do I do? I drink, drink, drink. What else is there to do at 3:35? Yes, 5 minutes lapsed for that decision, and to mix a drink. After about 3 drinks I fall into a slumber on the lop-sided couch. It's not comfy, but it got the job done. A few hours of sleep and I'm ready for the next day!
Morning – 10:00
We arrived for breakfast at The Runcible Spoon. I had no idea what we were getting into. I walked towards the door, as I usually would to enter a building, wearing my Wayfarer knock-offs that I had purchased at Goodwill the week before. I bought two pairs since they were only fifty cents. What a fucking bargain. So I was attempting to walk into the building when a certain college student (douchebag) stopped me in my path by proclaiming, "Dude, let's have a shade-off!"
Not knowing what the fuck this guy's issues were, I decided to play a part in this debauchery. Oh, it was certain that I was going to win this battle, but I had to show him the error in his ways. 3…2…1… shades on! Our glasses to protect from UV rays had been put into their protective position on each of our faces. "Aw dude, you win."
I knew that. I knew that before we had even started. Hell, I knew it before spending $1.06 for both pairs. He was going to lose a bit of pride that day, it just so happened to be inflicted by me.
Eventually we all entered, high from my victory, ready for breakfast. We took our seats, and upon hearing about the great house blend, Megan and I ordered coffee. Zach, knowing how the system works and how the Man tries to hold him back, declined to order coffee. He drank from Megan's mug.
Sitting for a few minutes gazing over the menu, we were ready. The time had come to place our order. Our waitress arrive, Megan went first. Zach went second. Then, it was my time to shine. The attractiveness of our waitress threw off my concentration of the menu and my order. In a panic, I blurted out, "I'll have the, uh, the omelet, and uh, could I also get a bagel with cream cheese? You can bring the toast too, if it's not trouble." I was told that it would be no trouble at all. My heart melted like the butter on that toast. Through all the anxiety, I still knew that I would like to have a bagel for that morning's breakfast.
Then it happened, there before my eyes was what would become my obsession for months to come. With one spread of the cream cheese, and once crisp, but not too crisp bite, my fate was sealed. It overtook me. Like being swallowed up by a giant wave of taste, I was addicted, and I didn't mind.

I know very well how I got my name

2008-06-29T21:14:00.000-04:00

My blog name comes from an album that is more widely known as Viva Hate by Morrissey. You will see many Morrissey references in my postings.
My postings will never be serious, so please don't take them that way. Don't take them any way at all, they are mine, and are not meant to be taken. This is really only for a few people to read, so if you stumbled here, it's your own fault. Enjoy your stay.