Pyramid Song - Radiohead
Used DVD's
Having electricity
Reading books that I could have written
Concert tickets
Brooklyn
Drawing music
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
I never got the job at The Onion
Here is what I wrote as a submission for The Onion. It was for the ONN (Onion News Network) videos. It is written with the idea of being a video:
(What they gave me)
Rachel Ray Endorsement Proves Frighteningly Important. Rachel Ray has endorsed a candidate and immediately that candidate's popularity surges a shocking amount. The power of Rachel Ray has some frightened about the state of American politics.
(What I wrote, I made up shitty names)
ONN Anchor ‘Ted’: “Astonishing news today in the race for the presidency, and you’ll never believe which celebrity force is behind it. Today on her morning talk show, television personality and keen chef Rachael Ray announced that she is endorsing Hillary Clinton in the upcoming election. Hillary Clinton, who had been out of the race for some time now, didn’t seem like she would get a second chance. But soon after Rachael Ray announced her endorsement for Hillary, it gave her the spark she needed to be back on the campaign trail.
The news about this has made some politicians frightened by just how much influence a celebrity’s endorsement can effect a presidential election. Our political analyst John Jeffers had this to say about the issue.”
JJ: “Celebrity endorsements for candidates have been in play for ages, going all the way back to when popular actor Thomas Wignell announced his support for George Washington. This is nothing new, but it is becoming more important. It is now a bigger issue that an A-list celebrity supports you than if you have, say, a solid healthcare plan or promise to save the world.
When Oprah announced her support for Barack Obama everyone just assumed that he would win because Oprah has such a following. Now that Rachael Ray has come along with her books, television show, line of cookware, magazines, and now her endorsement for Hillary, we’re not certain that Oprah’s support will be enough for Obama to win the election. Rachael Ray has proven to be a celebrity force to be reckoned with. We’ll just have to see where the ratings take us in the upcoming fall season.”
ONN Anchor ‘Ted’: “Viewers of Rachel Ray’s television show say they are not shocked by this announcement. There have been rumors circling the Internet about which candidate she would be supporting for quite some time. In Rachel Ray’s blog, BakingMommy47 writes,
‘I knew she would support Hillary, I just thought it would have been leaked before Hillary dropped out of the race the first time. I guess that’s why life is full of surprises!’
Political activists and fans of Mrs. Ray’s show have already gathered outside of her studio where the show is taped, carrying signs with support for Hillary Clinton and Rachael Ray. Journalist and Rachael Ray supporter Kim Edwards is there on the scene to interview some of the activists. Kim…”
KE: “Thanks Ted. I’m here now with Colleen Johnson of Columbus, Ohio, who came all the way to Rachael’s studio in New York City as soon as the announcement was made. Colleen, could you tell us a little about your sign please?”
CJ: “Well, Kim, I made this sign over 5 months ago in anticipation that Rachael would support Hillary Clinton. It says ‘Clinton/Ray 2008 – Yum-o!’ and it has a picture here of Hillary and Rachael together holding their arms up in the air to signify teamwork and leadership. I like to think that together they are cooking up a recipe for victory.”
KE: “Thank you for that very supportive testimonial, Colleen.
I think we’ll have a very interesting fall season coming up as Hillary and Obama are both vying for the top spot in the White House. We’re certain to see quite a few plot twists that will turn things upside-down for both candidates. There are rumors of bringing back Chelsea to appear with Hillary at media events. We’re not sure if that could help or hinder Hillary’s fall schedule.
Looks like things are just starting to heat up to a crisp here outside the studio. Ted, back to you.”
ONN Anchor ‘Ted’: “Thank you, Kim. We’ll just hope that Rachael Ray’s support will pack as much kick as her Sliced Chili Rubbed Flank Steak on Spicy Rice with Shrimp and Guacamole Stacks. Coming up next, how dolphins can sense when you’ve recently sneezed…”
Notes:
Comes in at around 2 minutes 30 seconds.
Can change people’s names to anything.
Open to changes, additions, etc.
_____________________________________
I actually looked into that stuff quite a bit. Things like Thomas Wignell and the recipes are actually real things. Probably for the best I didn't get that job, everything around that time had to do with politics, and I don't believe in politics.
Back to watching internet videos.
And dreaming...
(What they gave me)
Rachel Ray Endorsement Proves Frighteningly Important. Rachel Ray has endorsed a candidate and immediately that candidate's popularity surges a shocking amount. The power of Rachel Ray has some frightened about the state of American politics.
(What I wrote, I made up shitty names)
ONN Anchor ‘Ted’: “Astonishing news today in the race for the presidency, and you’ll never believe which celebrity force is behind it. Today on her morning talk show, television personality and keen chef Rachael Ray announced that she is endorsing Hillary Clinton in the upcoming election. Hillary Clinton, who had been out of the race for some time now, didn’t seem like she would get a second chance. But soon after Rachael Ray announced her endorsement for Hillary, it gave her the spark she needed to be back on the campaign trail.
The news about this has made some politicians frightened by just how much influence a celebrity’s endorsement can effect a presidential election. Our political analyst John Jeffers had this to say about the issue.”
JJ: “Celebrity endorsements for candidates have been in play for ages, going all the way back to when popular actor Thomas Wignell announced his support for George Washington. This is nothing new, but it is becoming more important. It is now a bigger issue that an A-list celebrity supports you than if you have, say, a solid healthcare plan or promise to save the world.
When Oprah announced her support for Barack Obama everyone just assumed that he would win because Oprah has such a following. Now that Rachael Ray has come along with her books, television show, line of cookware, magazines, and now her endorsement for Hillary, we’re not certain that Oprah’s support will be enough for Obama to win the election. Rachael Ray has proven to be a celebrity force to be reckoned with. We’ll just have to see where the ratings take us in the upcoming fall season.”
ONN Anchor ‘Ted’: “Viewers of Rachel Ray’s television show say they are not shocked by this announcement. There have been rumors circling the Internet about which candidate she would be supporting for quite some time. In Rachel Ray’s blog, BakingMommy47 writes,
‘I knew she would support Hillary, I just thought it would have been leaked before Hillary dropped out of the race the first time. I guess that’s why life is full of surprises!’
Political activists and fans of Mrs. Ray’s show have already gathered outside of her studio where the show is taped, carrying signs with support for Hillary Clinton and Rachael Ray. Journalist and Rachael Ray supporter Kim Edwards is there on the scene to interview some of the activists. Kim…”
KE: “Thanks Ted. I’m here now with Colleen Johnson of Columbus, Ohio, who came all the way to Rachael’s studio in New York City as soon as the announcement was made. Colleen, could you tell us a little about your sign please?”
CJ: “Well, Kim, I made this sign over 5 months ago in anticipation that Rachael would support Hillary Clinton. It says ‘Clinton/Ray 2008 – Yum-o!’ and it has a picture here of Hillary and Rachael together holding their arms up in the air to signify teamwork and leadership. I like to think that together they are cooking up a recipe for victory.”
KE: “Thank you for that very supportive testimonial, Colleen.
I think we’ll have a very interesting fall season coming up as Hillary and Obama are both vying for the top spot in the White House. We’re certain to see quite a few plot twists that will turn things upside-down for both candidates. There are rumors of bringing back Chelsea to appear with Hillary at media events. We’re not sure if that could help or hinder Hillary’s fall schedule.
Looks like things are just starting to heat up to a crisp here outside the studio. Ted, back to you.”
ONN Anchor ‘Ted’: “Thank you, Kim. We’ll just hope that Rachael Ray’s support will pack as much kick as her Sliced Chili Rubbed Flank Steak on Spicy Rice with Shrimp and Guacamole Stacks. Coming up next, how dolphins can sense when you’ve recently sneezed…”
Notes:
Comes in at around 2 minutes 30 seconds.
Can change people’s names to anything.
Open to changes, additions, etc.
_____________________________________
I actually looked into that stuff quite a bit. Things like Thomas Wignell and the recipes are actually real things. Probably for the best I didn't get that job, everything around that time had to do with politics, and I don't believe in politics.
Back to watching internet videos.
And dreaming...
Monday, January 12, 2009
So I'm At Work Today...
...and we have been having trouble with our water being dirty in our building from all the lines being flushed/treated. Well, it's been going on for a while we were all told to report it if it happens because it should have been fine by now. There is a sign posted on the back of the restroom door and we were asked to write down on it when we noticed it happening so that we could tell the Maintenance dept. about it and they could check to see what time(s) it was happening. Well, on the back of the door is the paper to log it, and it has printed:
Yes, I feel like a douchebag for sending out silly office humour and antics like this, but it was not supposed to be funny or a joke, and that's why it is funny.
Yes, I feel like a douchebag for sending out silly office humour and antics like this, but it was not supposed to be funny or a joke, and that's why it is funny.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Ticketmaster is classy
But I'm classier.
An e-mail to Carnegie Hall's box office (who sells their own tickets).
To whom it may concern,
I am not sure if this is the correct e-mail address, but I would like to share this information. As of 8:54 p.m. EST, I found tickets for the upcoming Morrissey show listed on a website owned by Ticketmaster. Ticketsnow.com is listing 4 tickets for the Morrissey show on March 26 for Balcony, Row M, at $418 per ticket. Now, the inflated costs are normal for them to do, but these tickets are not even available from Carnegie Hall at this time. I have deeply researched the Carnegie Hall website, and the only time tickets are available is not even until Friday morning (that would be 1 day later from this date). This would mean that those tickets do not even exist at this time.
The link to that particular event can be found here:
http://www.ticketsnow.com/InventoryBrowse/Morrissey-Tickets-at-Carnegie-Hall-in-New-York?PID=760909
Since Carnegie Hall does their own ticketing sales, I found this odd (and possibly illegal?) that a Ticketmaster owned company would have 4 tickets at this time when tickets are not even available and at an enormously inflated cost. I would like to bring this to Carnegie's attention so that events like this in the future can enjoyed by everyone, not just companies such as Ticketmaster and their affiliates.
I do plan to attend the Morrissey show on March 26, and I would be delighted to buy a ticket directly from the box office to directly support Carnegie Hall and the artist.
Thank you,
Joey Flispart
An e-mail to Carnegie Hall's box office (who sells their own tickets).
To whom it may concern,
I am not sure if this is the correct e-mail address, but I would like to share this information. As of 8:54 p.m. EST, I found tickets for the upcoming Morrissey show listed on a website owned by Ticketmaster. Ticketsnow.com is listing 4 tickets for the Morrissey show on March 26 for Balcony, Row M, at $418 per ticket. Now, the inflated costs are normal for them to do, but these tickets are not even available from Carnegie Hall at this time. I have deeply researched the Carnegie Hall website, and the only time tickets are available is not even until Friday morning (that would be 1 day later from this date). This would mean that those tickets do not even exist at this time.
The link to that particular event can be found here:
http://www.ticketsnow.com/InventoryBrowse/Morrissey-Tickets-at-Carnegie-Hall-in-New-York?PID=760909
Since Carnegie Hall does their own ticketing sales, I found this odd (and possibly illegal?) that a Ticketmaster owned company would have 4 tickets at this time when tickets are not even available and at an enormously inflated cost. I would like to bring this to Carnegie's attention so that events like this in the future can enjoyed by everyone, not just companies such as Ticketmaster and their affiliates.
I do plan to attend the Morrissey show on March 26, and I would be delighted to buy a ticket directly from the box office to directly support Carnegie Hall and the artist.
Thank you,
Joey Flispart
Friday, January 2, 2009
Yappy Hew Near
Don't fret, dear blog readers of mine. I'm vowing to write more this year. So keep that in mind, you 3 people that read this (and any other creepers that got lost).
Friday, October 24, 2008
New Yowrk
So I went to UCB tonight to czech out the All Jew Review and it was one of the best things I have seen in forever. Two amazing things about it were that Michael Showalter and Paul F. Tompkins were there. My friend April is a huge fan of Paul's and knew him from doing standup. I was so excited to see him perform since she always speaks highly of him. So he comes on and he is hilarious. Very great. It was more of an interview than standup, but great nonetheless.
So after the show is over I outside to wait for him to come out from the theatre. Sarah is with me and we pretend we are in the standby line so we don't get shooed away. We wait for a minute, but he hasn't come out yet. So we go inside the grocery store next to the theatre to find some goddamned half-chocolate marshmallows. Now, we were already talking up the ghetto s'more earlier in the day, but seeing this took the cake. Well, we didn't have cake, we had fucking ghetto s'mores. We end up getting a few more things; soy milk, chips, pizza flavoured Goldfish for me to snack on, plus some Andes mints for the ghetto s'mores.
I should probably explain what a ghetto s'more is. A ghetto s'more is when you want a s'more, but can't create a proper fire for which to roast marshmallows. To solve this, you use the ghetto method, which is to turn on the burner on your gas stove and toast the mallow over the flame. This is highly dangerous, but the payoff is well worth any risk or actual incident that may occur. It tastes just like the real thing.
So we get out of the grocer's store and I want some of those pizza flavoured Goldfish crackers. I pop those bad boys open, but only after utilizing Sarah's hand sanitizing gel substance. With my properly cleansed hands I reach into the bag for some pizza flavoured greatness. Then it happens, Paul walks out of the theatre. He is immediately stopped by some silly girls up near the front door. While this is occurring I eat some more Goldfish. God damn they are tasty. So they all get done harassing him and he walks towards me. I say to him, "Hi Paul, do you have a second? First of all that was a great show and... would you like a Goldfish?"
He went for it. Paul Ffin' Tompkins ate my Goldfish. - highlight
So I keep talking to him and tell him that our mutual friend April told me I must see him. I tell him about that I'm out of town, to which he responds with a quick, "How long are you here for?" I felt like he was going to ask me to hang out. I wasn't sure if I was ready for that, I mean, we just met and all. Things seemed to be moving pretty fast. So I told him only until Tuesday, trying to dodge any awkwardness that could ensue. I think he caught on to my drift, and there was no real follow-up to it. So we just shot-the-shit for a while more and that was about that. He was really cool and it was really nice of him to take the time to talk to a Joe six-pack/plumber like me.
Cheers to you, Paul F. Tompkins!
So after the show is over I outside to wait for him to come out from the theatre. Sarah is with me and we pretend we are in the standby line so we don't get shooed away. We wait for a minute, but he hasn't come out yet. So we go inside the grocery store next to the theatre to find some goddamned half-chocolate marshmallows. Now, we were already talking up the ghetto s'more earlier in the day, but seeing this took the cake. Well, we didn't have cake, we had fucking ghetto s'mores. We end up getting a few more things; soy milk, chips, pizza flavoured Goldfish for me to snack on, plus some Andes mints for the ghetto s'mores.
I should probably explain what a ghetto s'more is. A ghetto s'more is when you want a s'more, but can't create a proper fire for which to roast marshmallows. To solve this, you use the ghetto method, which is to turn on the burner on your gas stove and toast the mallow over the flame. This is highly dangerous, but the payoff is well worth any risk or actual incident that may occur. It tastes just like the real thing.
So we get out of the grocer's store and I want some of those pizza flavoured Goldfish crackers. I pop those bad boys open, but only after utilizing Sarah's hand sanitizing gel substance. With my properly cleansed hands I reach into the bag for some pizza flavoured greatness. Then it happens, Paul walks out of the theatre. He is immediately stopped by some silly girls up near the front door. While this is occurring I eat some more Goldfish. God damn they are tasty. So they all get done harassing him and he walks towards me. I say to him, "Hi Paul, do you have a second? First of all that was a great show and... would you like a Goldfish?"
He went for it. Paul Ffin' Tompkins ate my Goldfish. - highlight
So I keep talking to him and tell him that our mutual friend April told me I must see him. I tell him about that I'm out of town, to which he responds with a quick, "How long are you here for?" I felt like he was going to ask me to hang out. I wasn't sure if I was ready for that, I mean, we just met and all. Things seemed to be moving pretty fast. So I told him only until Tuesday, trying to dodge any awkwardness that could ensue. I think he caught on to my drift, and there was no real follow-up to it. So we just shot-the-shit for a while more and that was about that. He was really cool and it was really nice of him to take the time to talk to a Joe six-pack/plumber like me.
Cheers to you, Paul F. Tompkins!
Again
Heading to NYC yet again. Wasn’t I just there? First point of business for tonight is to go to UCB to see Paul F. Tompkins and Michael Showalter for the All-Jew Review. Should be a good time. I’ll hang out with “the Show” afterwards and pitch him ideas that he can steal.
I’m listening to the Morrissey set from the Janice Long show from Tuesday afternoon. That just so happened to be my sister’s birfday. Happy birfday Sissy. She’s 25 years young now and I still call her “Sissy”. What’s wrong with me? Hell, I’m almost 22 and I still go by Joey. I’m not some stupid Friends character, why have the “y”?
I’m going to try to get Sam to film some things that Zach and me come up with. Maybe by Christmas break we can have a webshow or some shitty thing besides a shitty blog.
I’m listening to the Morrissey set from the Janice Long show from Tuesday afternoon. That just so happened to be my sister’s birfday. Happy birfday Sissy. She’s 25 years young now and I still call her “Sissy”. What’s wrong with me? Hell, I’m almost 22 and I still go by Joey. I’m not some stupid Friends character, why have the “y”?
I’m going to try to get Sam to film some things that Zach and me come up with. Maybe by Christmas break we can have a webshow or some shitty thing besides a shitty blog.
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